After going through some incredibly deep pain, I decided to spend what ended up being a year in isolation figuring out how to feel better. What I learned is that we have the power to feel better, all on our own - Without needing anything from any other person, relationship, or taking medication. I healed myself with no doctors or therapists or external treatment. While talking to someone can definitely help, we do have the power to feel better on our own, and that is what I am going to describe here.
Truly feeling better comes from you meeting your own emotional needs. This is done in two steps: Loving yourself and reframing the beliefs in your mind.
Loving yourself:
If you aren't sure how to give yourself the love that you need, start by sitting quietly with yourself. Focus on someone else that you love and send them the energy of love (from afar) that you feel for them. You should feel the love emanating from yourself to that person you love. Sometimes it is first easier to love another than to love ourselves. Once you've got that down, turn that love that you are giving around and give it to yourself instead of the person you are thinking of. Once you feel how to give love to yourself, this opens up an entire world of possibility for you. It is simple, yes, but very powerful.
Reframing the beliefs in your mind:
We have to start with the principal that your essence, your TRUE essence is unconditional love, and that your beliefs about yourself create how you feel. The goal of this section is for you to learn how to reframe the beliefs that you have in your mind from fear/not enough based to love/always enough based. The more love based beliefs that you hold, the better you will feel.
Here is how it works: Our thoughts and our emotions are linked. Each thought we think has a particular vibration associated with it. The higher the vibration, the closer to love that this thought is and the better it feels. The lower the vibration, the worse it feels. The goal with reframing is to change the thoughts that we think about ourselves and our world from lower vibration to higher vibration. (Or more simply, from fear/depression to love).
Remember, our natural state is one of love, so the more that we reframe our thoughts from lower to higher vibration, the more we return to our natural state.
An example of reframing your thoughts/beliefs would be this:
Original thought (Low vibration): I am not good enough
New thought (High vibration): I am always good enough.
You can insert any specific thing into this as well so that it relates to what you may be going through.
Our goal is to replace the belief of "I am not good enough" to "I am always good enough". Seems easy enough on the surface, but the catch is that if you have been believing yourself to be not good enough for a long time and have been thinking that type of thought over and over, you have created a habit of doing that, which is sort of like water flowing through sand over and over until it makes a canal. The water (thought) is then accustomed to flowing in that direction and it would take a lot of momentum to change that thought to its opposite right away. This is why, when reframing beliefs, it helps to work "up the ladder" as I say. What I mean by this is to work your way from "I am not good enough" to "I am enough" one step at a time. To move up a step we would take a thought that is just slightly higher vibration than "I am not good enough". To me, the next thought would be something like, "I am not so bad". The work is then to convince yourself that instead of being "not good enough", you are "not so bad".
Here is the way to do this:
The way to do this, is when you catch yourself thinking that you are not good enough, FEEL where it is in your body that this thought is affecting. Remember, each thought we have and the emotion we feel is linked, so if you pay close enough attention, you will be able to feel where the pain is in your body that is associated with this thought. Then, apply the technique of loving yourself TO THE SPOT of the painful emotion. If you have the loving yourself technique down, you should be able to transform the negative energy you feel in your body to a more loving energy. Once you feel this happening, then re-program your mind to think, "I am not so bad" (The next step up the ladder). Make sure you really convince yourself that you aren't so bad, and remember that the higher vibration the thought, the closer that thought is to who you really are. When we move a step up that ladder, this is like directing the flow of the water in the canal slightly to one direction, which is feasible to do.
Once you get this down, repeat this process until you genuinely come to the belief that you are good enough no matter what, which is closer to the vibration of unconditional love. The next steps on the ladder to get there would look something like this:
"I am not so bad" -> "I'm actually alright"
"I'm actually alright -> "I'm actually pretty good"
"I'm actually pretty good" -> "I am always good enough"
Going even further with this:
"I am always good enough" -> "I'm actually really good"
"I'm actually really good" -> "I am truly great"
"I am truly great" -> "I am awesome"
Remember, the goal is to move up the ladder one rung at a time, from one step to the next. Use the loving yourself technique while you convince yourself that the next step on the ladder is more true than the last. And keep in mind that this is a gradual process, since it takes time for you body to adjust to the new belief, emotionally. Thoughts and emotions are linked together so they have to be processed together. Unlike simply thinking a new thought, emotions take time to process. So give yourself that time.
Unless you are really practiced at this, you wouldn't want to jump straight from "I am not enough" to "I am enough", because that is the equivalent of changing the direction of the water in the canal from one direction to the other very quickly. It would take an enormous amount of energy and may not be feasible right away. This is why people sometimes have trouble with going straight from depression to loving themselves right away. Do it in segments. With each new segment you will notice yourself feeling better, and this is definitely enough of a reward to give you the motivation to keep going with this.
Much Love to you.
Truly feeling better comes from you meeting your own emotional needs. This is done in two steps: Loving yourself and reframing the beliefs in your mind.
Loving yourself:
If you aren't sure how to give yourself the love that you need, start by sitting quietly with yourself. Focus on someone else that you love and send them the energy of love (from afar) that you feel for them. You should feel the love emanating from yourself to that person you love. Sometimes it is first easier to love another than to love ourselves. Once you've got that down, turn that love that you are giving around and give it to yourself instead of the person you are thinking of. Once you feel how to give love to yourself, this opens up an entire world of possibility for you. It is simple, yes, but very powerful.
Reframing the beliefs in your mind:
We have to start with the principal that your essence, your TRUE essence is unconditional love, and that your beliefs about yourself create how you feel. The goal of this section is for you to learn how to reframe the beliefs that you have in your mind from fear/not enough based to love/always enough based. The more love based beliefs that you hold, the better you will feel.
Here is how it works: Our thoughts and our emotions are linked. Each thought we think has a particular vibration associated with it. The higher the vibration, the closer to love that this thought is and the better it feels. The lower the vibration, the worse it feels. The goal with reframing is to change the thoughts that we think about ourselves and our world from lower vibration to higher vibration. (Or more simply, from fear/depression to love).
Remember, our natural state is one of love, so the more that we reframe our thoughts from lower to higher vibration, the more we return to our natural state.
An example of reframing your thoughts/beliefs would be this:
Original thought (Low vibration): I am not good enough
New thought (High vibration): I am always good enough.
You can insert any specific thing into this as well so that it relates to what you may be going through.
Our goal is to replace the belief of "I am not good enough" to "I am always good enough". Seems easy enough on the surface, but the catch is that if you have been believing yourself to be not good enough for a long time and have been thinking that type of thought over and over, you have created a habit of doing that, which is sort of like water flowing through sand over and over until it makes a canal. The water (thought) is then accustomed to flowing in that direction and it would take a lot of momentum to change that thought to its opposite right away. This is why, when reframing beliefs, it helps to work "up the ladder" as I say. What I mean by this is to work your way from "I am not good enough" to "I am enough" one step at a time. To move up a step we would take a thought that is just slightly higher vibration than "I am not good enough". To me, the next thought would be something like, "I am not so bad". The work is then to convince yourself that instead of being "not good enough", you are "not so bad".
Here is the way to do this:
The way to do this, is when you catch yourself thinking that you are not good enough, FEEL where it is in your body that this thought is affecting. Remember, each thought we have and the emotion we feel is linked, so if you pay close enough attention, you will be able to feel where the pain is in your body that is associated with this thought. Then, apply the technique of loving yourself TO THE SPOT of the painful emotion. If you have the loving yourself technique down, you should be able to transform the negative energy you feel in your body to a more loving energy. Once you feel this happening, then re-program your mind to think, "I am not so bad" (The next step up the ladder). Make sure you really convince yourself that you aren't so bad, and remember that the higher vibration the thought, the closer that thought is to who you really are. When we move a step up that ladder, this is like directing the flow of the water in the canal slightly to one direction, which is feasible to do.
Once you get this down, repeat this process until you genuinely come to the belief that you are good enough no matter what, which is closer to the vibration of unconditional love. The next steps on the ladder to get there would look something like this:
"I am not so bad" -> "I'm actually alright"
"I'm actually alright -> "I'm actually pretty good"
"I'm actually pretty good" -> "I am always good enough"
Going even further with this:
"I am always good enough" -> "I'm actually really good"
"I'm actually really good" -> "I am truly great"
"I am truly great" -> "I am awesome"
Remember, the goal is to move up the ladder one rung at a time, from one step to the next. Use the loving yourself technique while you convince yourself that the next step on the ladder is more true than the last. And keep in mind that this is a gradual process, since it takes time for you body to adjust to the new belief, emotionally. Thoughts and emotions are linked together so they have to be processed together. Unlike simply thinking a new thought, emotions take time to process. So give yourself that time.
Unless you are really practiced at this, you wouldn't want to jump straight from "I am not enough" to "I am enough", because that is the equivalent of changing the direction of the water in the canal from one direction to the other very quickly. It would take an enormous amount of energy and may not be feasible right away. This is why people sometimes have trouble with going straight from depression to loving themselves right away. Do it in segments. With each new segment you will notice yourself feeling better, and this is definitely enough of a reward to give you the motivation to keep going with this.
Much Love to you.
This was so clear and so helpful for me, thank you
ReplyDeleteThanks for this!
ReplyDelete